Failures are important milestones

Today, I am typing this directly on my blog. What prompted me to write about failure are the following incidents;

1. Yesterday, my daughter expressed reluctance to attend her tennis class because none of her friends were going; they were all preoccupied with preparing for their final examinations.
2. This morning, a message in the parents' WhatsApp group caught my attention.

As you can see from the image above, my daughter is studying in class 2. Is it sensible to subject them to such stress at such tender ages? We have a more or less fixed routine, which might change for holidays, festivals, or family events, but preparing for examinations is part of our daily routine. We practice what we learn every day. Does it seem silly to you?

After the mid-term evaluation PTM (parents-teachers meeting), my daughter asked me about her academic performance. I shared her progress honestly, acknowledging areas of improvement and slight declines. I told her that she has improved in Hindi and there is a slight decline in her performance in Maths. Science and English are the same, and overall, she did well. However, she only seemed to remember her performance in Hindi and Mathematics and reported the same to her dad. I was there during this father-daughter conversation, and I explained to her that moving from an A to a B+ is not bad. It can happen to anybody, and it will happen again. The important thing is to know where you stand and what you need to do about it. What I wish to convey through this example is that children also understand their academic performance, results, successes, and failures. It is important that they grasp the significance of these aspects. This can only happen if they are allowed to think and decide for themselves. If we continue to subject them to pressure, they will learn and perform for their parents, not for themselves.

Moreover, a 100% success rate is another disadvantage.

Let me share another example to explain this: My daughter won second place in a singing competition, and everyone around praised her performance. As a parent, I was also happy and shared this on social media. However, she was unaware of the compliments received on social media; she only knew about the compliments from the judges, other parents, and our relatives and friends. She is known for her singing abilities, and we have really worked hard for this performance.

But after winning this competition, she was on cloud nine, filled with pride that was so evident in her attitude. No matter how hard I tried to explain that it’s the hard work that matters, not the trophy, she remained overwhelmed with this victory. She needed to understand that her competition is with herself, and the aim is to be better than her past self. For this, I felt she needed to taste failure because this will happen eventually. Thankfully, she understood this very soon, as I participated in a singing competition a few weeks later and received the same compliments without winning or scoring any position. She was grounded without tasting failure but with the understanding that winning or losing doesn't matter, what matters is how well you prepare yourself and present with confidence.

Regarding the second matter, a message surfaced on the parents' WhatsApp group, originating from a fellow parent who is a native Hindi speaker. Despite my daughter's proficiency in Hindi, both written and verbal, she often expresses a preference for English and Science, citing Hindi as challenging due to the complexities of "bari matra" and "choti matra." I asked her why she found these matras confusing as she excels in dictations. Her response was illuminating: "Everyone says it's difficult." This sentiment was echoed in the morning message from the group. The pride we feel when our children can fluently converse in English is not the same as when they can recite a poem in Hindi. I often wonder why.

Interestingly, my daughter wasn't even aware of my proficiency in English until the COVID lockdown necessitated my participation in online meetings from home. In our household, we predominantly converse in Bengali, and I make a concerted effort to speak Hindi without interjecting English words into our daily exchanges. To her, I emphasised on beauty of Hindi language, highlighting its role in classical compositions (all bandish that she learns is in Hindi), and there is a wealth of captivating stories exclusively available in Hindi literature. 

Children absorb things from their surroundings; they learn much faster than we can think. Allowing them the freedom to explore and experience both success and failure is essential. Both achievements and setbacks serve as crucial markers in their learning journey. Creating an environment that fosters acceptance of both outcomes with a smile is vital. 

These reflections are deeply personal, and I invite fellow parents to share their perspectives and experiences on this journey of nurturing resilient and self-aware individuals. Let's learn from one another's insights and collectively empower our children to embrace the richness of both success and failure.