"Would you say you are more of an environmentalist or an artist?”

I frequently heard this question wherever I go, be it at work, at my music class or at a family gathering. Everyone is keener to know the other “ME”.

For many years, my response to this has been, “an environmentalist”, not because it was necessarily true, but because I sensed it would win me more respect. As an undergraduate student, music had been my therapy, my cathartic release. But in this competitive world, I wanted to be seen as just as dedicated to my work as those around me, who appeared completely undistracted by unprofessional pursuits. So, I left my music by the wayside—but it wasn’t long before I felt a massive void in my life.

After working for more than 15 years as an environmental educator and communicator, the pandemic gave me an opportunity to think and reflect. Academically, I am a zoologist and I loved doing research. As a student, I was often told I excelled at it. And I think, that was the point where I started giving up on my passion for music. Humming a Bollywood song in bathroom was the only thing I never gave up. So, during the covid lockdown, I started learning Hindustani Classical music. The daily practice (riyaaz) is meditation for me, I feel blessed, I am calm, more focused and more organised at work and at home. And I must say, the joy of getting Sa (first music note) right as soon as you play the tanpura is out of the world.

I am lucky to be working with an organisation who are serious about the health and well-being of its employees. Since music has been my drug to happiness during the tough covid time, I thought of starting a music club at my workplace. A couple of colleagues came together and proposed this idea and it was approved in no time. We started calling ourselves "Soz Souls" and today we are a group of 60 people interested in vocal and instrumental music, both Indian and Western. 

We have theme based musical gathering once every month where people interested in music can come and participate. With a bit of hesitation about my ability to sing, I started performing in these monthly events without this feeling that I had anything to hide. My lunch time, and travel time conversation with colleagues of our cluster has changed after knowing that they are also interested in music. We now discuss raag music, western music, instrumental music etc. during our free time. Chatting with the other colleagues, I have realised many shared my concern that peers might interpret a passion for art as a lack of professionalism or, at the very least, a distraction. But over the course of these evening events, I found myself at peace with the two halves of my identity.

Since then, I have continued to embrace all of myself. While completing writing/designing tasks for GIZ, I sometimes hum lines of a song I heard on the way to office. Whenever time permits, I started participating in other health initiatives such as birding group meetings, soul food and 15 minutes activity break from my office desk.

The happy "me" is more productive at work and some peers have seen the value of this outside interest; others have been sceptical too. But when I have my own doubts, I think of many roles that we anyway play in our daily life, balancing professional and personal lives and I feel confident that having a passion for environment as well as music is possible.

So, yesterday when a colleague asked me the same question, I very proudly said, “Both.”