Feelings...

Yes, once again, I was back in the FEAR Zone as the process of partial unlocking started with the number of cases rising significantly. My husband had to reassume working from office in Noida that would increase my workload at home. Besides, I was fearful about the infection that my partner might get and bring it close to my child. I was perhaps panicking also because now my partner can go out, meet colleagues who are friend too, spend some time on roads and my life is still stuck between the walls of my house. 

We must learn to live with the virus. Yes, I have heard this many times, but how? Talking with peers helps in such a situation. Really, how can simple virtual chat help me to cope with the situation? Since the beginning of the lockdown, to be precise, on 7 April, I enrolled myself for a hobby class but off late it was giving me stress as I had to submit assignments. What I thought as a coping strategy had become a reason for stress. Strange!!! Right???

I am writing this to share that these feeling are normal, can happen to anyone and everyone and it's also right that you are in-charge of your feeling. I remember, I said to my supervisor once that I am feeling low this week but I will do something about it…while saying this, I already took the first step of acknowledging my feeling…YES….I AM FEELING LOW THIS WEEK. And now, I had to do something about it. Let me start with ending my craving for nice food. And ZOMATO App comes in to help me with ending this craving. After checking recent reviews, photographs of initiatives the restaurant are taking as preventive measures, I order a single portion of a side dish. Oh…what a nice feeling to have outside food. I also did some online shopping for non-essential things.

After this, I was ready to start talking. I asked my husband about the situation in his office, what all preventive measure is there, if he wears the mask all time or not, where he keeps his mobile phone, how often does he wash hands, who warm the food he takes with him, does he use office plates and cutleries…When I starting discussing these things, I got to know that he is taking good care and will not bring the virus inside our home. I know the first thing he does after reaching home is taking bath and keeping all the used cloth in designated sealed place. In addition, I got to know about many other things too. He told me, he at times offers lift to colleagues and I was calm as he is anyway spending the full day with those colleagues and they are being in the same car with everyone wearing a mask is okay. He also told me certain small things and I was feeling proud of him. 

And then, it was Wednesday evening, time for my online class. Time to have a conversation with my teacher. I asked him, “Do you think, at the age of 37 years, I can take the first baby step towards learning Hindustani Classical Music?”. My teacher reverted to what I said to him in the first class. He reminded me that I am learning music for my passion…not to become a singer. He said, he sees the passion for music, passion to learn in me during each class but the last two submissions were not that good. He could witness stress in my submissions, and he reminded me that music for me was like meditation.

Now my days are much better. I am not doing extra household work as my husband continues to do the washing of dishes after we finish dinner and sweeping and mopping before, he goes out for work and we cook together in the evening. My daughter loves to copy me, she has often seen me attending exercise or yoga session and she at random times start doing exercise. We have now planned a scheduled time for exercise each day. With online schooling starting again after the summer break, I and my daughter enjoy setting up our home office and home school desk each day. We break for exercise and lunch. After school, she spends her time independently engaging herself to music, dance, drawing, acting, composing and whatnot…I have fixed riyaaz (music practice) time that works like meditation. I still have sleepless nights but I am sure it will be fine soon.

I have learned to live with the virus and understood the importance of talking. Do acknowledge your feeling whatever it is, then only, you can think of a coping strategy that works best for you.