I love getting drenched in the rain. My daughter and I danced in every rain during last year monsoon, lockdown gave us amazing opportunity of togetherness. This brings back memories of my childhood and a wonderful song “Ab ke sawan, aise barse…” that became the monsoon anthem for my generation. The song awesome lyrics, amazing composition and very powerful voice that refreshes my mind and soul. This was when I got to know about Padma Shri Shubha Mudgal ji, a renowned Hindustani Classical Vocalist. Back then, Shubha ji had no idea that this pop song with rock-like composition would make history and I had no idea that I would find myself learning classical music.
The book opened up unseen areas of our music industry. As the name suggests – Stories of music and misadventures, this book – first of its kind perhaps, showcases the life of Indian musicians along with their struggles, challenges, hidden desires, etc. Get a copy for yourself and enjoy reading funny yet emotional set of short stories.
After reading about the life of popular musicians, I was wondering if there is any book on the challenges of a new learner of music. I am not talking about biographies of the most recognised musician but perhaps someone who is keen on learning any classical performing art. This book and followed-up though actually motivated me to share with you the challenges that I have faced in my little less than a year journey of learning music. I do not have the ability to write well but you may find my learning journey like yours at some point maybe…
As I just mentioned, it has been just a year that I have started learning Hindustani classical music. My first struggle was to make riyaaz (practice) my daily habit. I knew before enrolling that I need to practice well on daily basis otherwise, I won’t be able to learn. I needed to train my ears to listen and my vocals to sync with the swar (a musical note). I used to give excuses to myself that I will practice when I have good enough time for it, or when I need a desperate break from work, and so on… I soon realised that this is not working, and I need to dedicate a time slot for riyaaz. This must be fixed and unchangeable irrespective of anything, so I must choose a time that fits best with my schedule. I fixed early morning time for this before the day’s chaos begins. I am a morning person, getting up early is not a big deal for me. I managed to make riyaaz, part of my daily schedule, but then I felt so sleepy... Waking up early never created any problem for me. It was not that I had insomnia and I was unable to wake up fresh. I was clueless why I felt so drowsy… the aakars (swar in sound of Aa) were always mixed up with the sound of my yawn…maybe an evening time would work better. A reminder was set on my phone, after my possible extended working hours and I hoped that this would work but alas…I kept finding it difficult to stop yawning but I had to keep it going…I couldn’t stop…I had to practice otherwise what’s the point of learning theoretically…
I don’t really remember when this drowsiness while practicing faded away, but I can’t explain in words what that feeling was and how my swaras mixed with yawn sounded…well that was perhaps a phase in life of a beginner learner…
With regular riyaaz, I was improving on my swar placement in right pitch. The tempo continued to give me trouble perhaps demanding more time for practice but as I progressed with the courses there was an improvement but now, another issue busted on me. I was not really enjoying singing. I was trying to sing the bandish in right pitch and tempo that was perhaps sounding okay to my teacher but to me, it was very mechanical. I soon realised that I am singing the same bandish in Raag Bhupali for months now. Classical music can be very boring for a new learner, obviously, I knew this as well before joining the course. And that some people spend their lifetime in learning same raag but I don’t aspire to be a singer anyway. Is it not working for me? Should I quit? I enjoy listening to old/ semi-classical Bollywood music, but I have never ever listened to a full classical composition, I didn’t know the difference between alaap and taan before joining the course. It was Covid lockdown time when Shankar Mahadevan Sir started mini masterclass on Instagram and suggested that learning classical music helps in overall understanding of a song. And I had to agree to this because even after learning hobby singing for almost 7 years, I haven’t witnessed any improvement in my light music singing ability whereas after enrolling for a classical music course, my perspective towards music has significantly changed so I had to continue and I had to do something to overcome this boredom.
I will tell you how I managed to break the monotony and kept myself motivated in a while because at this point it would be worthwhile to share little desires that I had develop over time. Unhappiness is best described as the difference between our talent and our expectations. I am usually a happy person because I know my limitations and don’t expect anything beyond that, but short-term desire do pop up. Like most classical vocalists, I wanted to purchase a physical tanpura and get a picture click with it. I already own a harmonium that I don’t use anymore. I was told to stop depending on harmonium support for my vocals. I was pretty sure that I won’t use the tanpura either (electronic tanpura is easy and handy) but how does that matter, people spend a lot of money for buying a chandelier, it’s not a requirement like bed and sofa rather a decorative piece in one home so if I wish to decorate my home with musical instruments that should be fine right? So, the desire was basically to showcase my passion for music by getting a picture click with tanpura and having some musical instruments at home.
I strongly feel that it was my training in classical music that gave me the wisdom to convert desires to pathway to achieve dreams. I have started listening to classical music concerts online, reading a lot about theory of music, watching eminent people’s interviews etc. I participated in Praat Swarsadhana workshop with Anuradha Kuber Tai and this was a game-changer. I was regular with my morning riyaaz but this workshop actually made me realise what to do, what not to do, how to know you have reached your limit, how to slowly expand your limit etc. Music is not just about the ability to sing...it's much beyond that (much beyond what words can explain). After changing my perspective towards music, it was time to change my lifestyle. I gave up on occasional consumption of nicotine and alcohol, started adopted a healthy eating habit, taking care of my throat. The money that I would have spent on tanpura was invested for buying a guitar so that I learn something new to overcome the boredom of singing same bandish. At this point, I was pretty sure that I will be able to manage to practice for both vocal and instrument because my life is more discipline now. When I submerge myself into riyaaz, I emerge out as a stronger and happier person. This is indeed magical.
After all these ups and downs, I am still struggling to accept my voice. I don’t like to hear what I am singing. To me, my voice is not mechanical as I felt earlier, but it is still unpleasable. I have learned a beautiful Kajri for Sangam 2021 (the virtual annual fest of Shankar Mahadevan Academy). I actually love the composition that describes nature, love, friendship etc. Nevertheless, for this Kajri also, I didn’t find my voice useful for singing.
The basic thing for learning any performing art is obviously the ability to perform. Music has always been a stressbuster for me but to perform with voice I don’t like is tough. The motivation to participate in Sangam was to learn something new other than course material. If I have enrolled for Sangam, I must perform. I had made up my mind to send a wonderful recording in which everything except my voice will be perfect. The backdrop with proper lighting, the saree with minimal jewellery was selected but unfortunately, I was hospitalised when I needed to record the video. Since I had no confidence in my voice, I was okay if my video is rejected for final compilation but inability to send video at my end was bothering me. Well, I decided to try to record this in the hospital itself without a decent backdrop and saree but with just my voice. I managed to do just one recording and in that three and a half minutes, my voice crossed door of my room and reached to the ears of hospital staff. Three people came back – two housekeeping staff and a nurse to appreciate my voice. I was very happy that day.
I am still not very comfortable in listening to my own voice but I have understood that I need to accept the natural tone of my voice as riyaaz can only improve the quality (pitch, tempo etc.) but the natural texture will remain and should remain same – that makes me unique.
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